Good results!

Happily, the results of the CT scan and blood tests done on Friday were good, in fact the best since the big shock at the end of May. Dr Mafafo is delighted and only requires more testing in 3 months time. This means we can all relax and have a lovely Christmas and holiday. Phew!

I was rather relived that she decided not to examine me as my sorry harpooned bottom might have revealed my newer endeavours to tell those tumours who's boss!

I've been having these injections of Coley's fluid in increasing intensity on a daily basis. It throws my usually crazy life into further disarray, as I never know when I will be overcome by rigors and fever. Each day is a mystery. So far, I've only had mild flu symptoms and a headache, which is hard evidence of my carthorse-like constitution. I do need that fever to do the necessary with those tumours, so I need to embrace them rather than wish them away.

We'll see what tomorrow, Tuesday and Wednesday bring.

Our holiday plans, which have been on hold for ages, have finally fallen into place in the last two days, which is so exciting. We'll be spending the long weekend at Cathedral Peak, then four days at Finsbury over James' 21st with his Godfather, August, and his family. Home for Christmas, then the big drive down to St Francis Bay for just short of two weeks. luckily Nicola is able to join us for much of it and my mum too.

Much to look forward to, especially with Damacles at bay.

I hope your struggles are lessening over Christmas and that you can have a good rest.

Happy Christmas!

Good results!

Half full and a whole new challenge

Just when I thought it was time for a rest, a new challenge has presented itself.
That end of the year feeling...



I thought it was the chemo that had run me over, but I was relieved to receive a Garfield cartoon from a friend in fine health, which made me realise that the world is worn out by this time of the year, and that exhaustion was not only my domain.

The recovery period after round 8 has seemed endless and only the absolute promise of the Salvazione Christmas concert and the commitment to the Link Centre got me through those flat and fatigued days. Even the seemingly rock solid vitamin B injection failed me and the usual restoration of week three just didn't happen. All along, I was under the happy illusion that I had at least 6 weeks in hand to get fit, lose the extra cortisone induced kilos and recover, before further draconian measures would need to be undertaken and endured.

The challenge came in the form of a rare appointment with Dr Golding, a physician and anti-ageing specialist. He has recently become interested in treating cancer patients using his Solal products, which are homeopathic in nature, and other unusual practises.

I saw him on Friday, had my first injections immediately and will be treated almost daily for the next few weeks.

I'm having Iscador injections twice a week and will continue with the drops on the intervening days. He has also started me on Coley's injections on a daily basis with the doses increasing until the bacteria introduced induces rigors and a daily fever of 39 to 40C. The reaction to the bacteria stimulates the immune system, which produces quantities of white blood cells and simultaneously, the fever. This, in turn, causes my body to recognise the cancerous tumours as aliens and to reduce them in size. I fear that the process will be unpleasant and exhausting, but the theory makes sense.

So, daily trips to Bryanston (about 20km), hours of rigors and fevers and renewed hopes for a cure or a least extension of good living. And I thought I was worn out..

The good part of the paralled railway tracks

- Nicola sang in the best Christmas choral concert I've ever heard on Saturday. She has joined a choir conducted by Sue Cock called Inverse, which consists of about 16 young and highly talented musicians. She returns from practises on a high with her right brain zinging.

-James has delighted us with another set of outstanding results and is busy filling up the fun bank. He assures me that he has a bottomless spare tank.

-Ali has managed the protracted exam period with maturity

-The children of Salvazione put on a fabulous nativity concert, which had us all, alternately, roaring with laughter and weeping copiously. The choice of the King James version for the script made it even more charming, with our second and third language English pupils managing admirably and sweetly with all the thees and thous.

-the Link Centre at Salvazione School, under the auspices of the Shine Centre in Cape Town, was launched and 80 children were tested by 10 volunteers.

If you feel hot in the next couple of weeks, bear me in mind!

Prague, Berlin and the last round of chemo

Having ridden the high wave of Ali's confirmation weekend with Godmother Linda staying and Godparents Errol and Debbi and the family joining us for the special occasion, the spectre of passports and suitcases seemed a bridge too far. However, there's nothing like a vitamin b injection to raise the energy levels.

Nic and I had the most marvellous week together. Prague has to be the most beautiful city I've ever seen. We were both so well and walked so far every day.

We went on to Berlin, where we met up with her Godmother, my bridesmaid and lovely friend, Jenny. We had one funny night together in a cheerful, dormitory like set up and went out to the best department store I've ever seen, Ka De We, for supper.

Nic headed off at the crack of dawn on Thursday morning for Wolfberg where she had been in invited to attend the Social Business World Summit, following on from her experience at the Yunis Centre in Bangladesh earlier this year.

Jen and I had a wonderful, interesting and at times, gut wrenching day, exploring Berlin and absorbing some of the tragic history of it, which is so well documented. The day ended with a heart-soaring rendition of Beethoven's 5th Symphony at the magnificent Konsert Haus, surrounded by a highly sophisticated audience of beautifully turned out Berliners.

After Jenny left, I made my way to Wolfsburg, where I joined the summit for a few hours, and proudly observed Nic competently networking among the people from all over the world, with whom she has so much in common. I particularly enjoyed meeting the Bangladeshi delegation, who have played such an important and happy role for her. We even had a photo taken with the revered Prof Yunis, who remembered Nic and said her desk in Dakar was waiting for her!

We had one busy and effective sight seeing day in Berlin before heading back.

Nicola started her new job at the Standard Bank on Tuesday and I went into round 8 of chemo, both enriched and fortified by our shared and individual experiences. Who could wish for a more generous husband and father?

Day 3, round 8, drip 24 today. The effects have settled in very fast and I'm anticipating a low week or more. My veins have been damaged by the DTIC and it has been a battle this week to find functioning ones which allow the drip to flow. It seems that the benefits of doing another round after this are questionable, so with Dr Mafafo, I have decided not to go ahead with round 9, which is a huge relief. She is very pleased with my response and I'm now in the 10% of 6 month survivors of stage 4 metatastic melanoma patients. Further testing in a few weeks will determine where to next.

We had a good consultation with the sister who administers the experimental drug Ipiliminab, which we've been interested in, and it remains a valid and hopeful possiblity for the future.

For now, there is more living to do. Ali is writng exams, James has just finished his, Nic is settling at work, Tim is stretched to his limit at work and the big volunteer meeting for Salvazione school, under the auspices of the Shine Centre, is on for next week.

Scrabbling up side of rabbit hole

It takes energy, of which there is questionable amounts, to scrabble back out of this chemo rabbit hole. The perpetual dilemma is whether to push on and get the strength in the process or rest to allow the strength to come. Luckily there's not too much time for debating and several immediate tasks to fill the gap.

We headed out to Machadorp for half term after the last drip on Thursday. I was filled with trepidation about weathering the side effects away from home and with friends, who would be exposed to me at my worst. What luck to have such fabulous friends; they not only put up with me, but cheered us all up immeasurably, while simultaneously catering royally. It was an excellent weekend and it was marvellous to see Tim heading off for huge hikes and returning with a huge grin, refreshed by the peace, solitude and physical challenge. Nic and Ali read more than I've seen them read in years.

Now to gather the warm coats and strength for the Berlin and Prague adventure with Nic.

Split result

The CT scan on Friday was a harrowing experience, exacerbated by the poor souls who have to administer the test and act as if the results are fine. Luckily, James was here for the weekend and a marvellous source of positive energy for us all.

Dr Mafafo is happy with the results, which, as before, reveal that some tumors have shrunk, some stayed the same and one nasty one on my left lung has grown. What is important is that overall, there is not a deterioration, which means that I'm in the 20% of people who respond to this kind of chemo.My reward, hmm.. 3 more rounds.

Day 1 today. We know the routine, but it's still tough.Tim is my rock as always,( so much so that I've put his name forward to Shar for her unborn boy, as that tiny boy will be lucky to have the qualities I associate with the name). We were surrounded by difficult cases, a 19 year old girl, a 17 year old Downes syndrome boy and 32 year old young man. It's virtually impossible to distance oneself and the level of anxiety pervading the air is high. The chalky, puffy look and known nasty side effects are descending fast.

As always, thank God, there is lots of positive family news. Nic has formally signed an employment contract to be a Business Manager to a Director in the Department of Inclusive Banking. She starts on 9 October. She has been invited to a conference following her experience in Social Business in Bangladesh in Berlin, so, I'm going with her! We leave on Sunday 31.10 and are popping into Prague for two days, one night together at the conference at Wolfsberg, so I can meet her friends from Bangladesh. Then, I go back to Berlin to meet up with my dear friend, Jenny, who is flying in from Dublin for 24 hours of catching up, sight seeing and capuccinos. We're hoping Francesca Bashall will join us from the UK for the weekend. So much excitement.

James, having bolstered us all up and enjoyed just being at home, headed back in Cape Town in fine fettle and ready to await "the fear", which will anchor him firmly to his desk until the end of exams. He has several appealing plans for the post exam period and he needs to choose a venue for his 21st, which we will celebrate in early February. The MG is the source of delight we had in mind!

Ali was awarded an Academic certificate at the St John's Prize Giving, a splendid occasion at the glorious City Hall. Lewis Pugh was the eloquent, riveting and inspiring speaker. He has done a lovely painting in Impressionist style, inspired by a photo from our trip in Venice last year. He exudes happiness when painting. It is his Confirmation next Saturday and we'll have a weekend of celebration, with Godmother Linda making a special trip up from CT and Godparents Errol and Debbi supporting him. The course has been inspiring.

Still waters and swift recovery

Sometimes one's moment comes to lie by the still waters. Plainly, it was hard for me to recognise that it is my turn and also, it seems obvious that such lying should not be accompanied by persistent nausea and that myriad of other nasty sensations associated with chemo. I recovered so much faster from round 6 as a result of accepting the need to do absolutely nothing, (which rankles strongly with the heavily inbuilt Protesant Work Ethic), and also from scheduling in the peculiar coma-like sleeps, from which I emerge much restored.

By Thursday, I was up to a meeting at Salvazione school about the Shine Centre system of managing volunteer energy in schools to its best advantage. It is an obvious fit and the positive energy and enthusiasm was astounding. Plainly, one of us needed to get to Cape Town to see a functioning Shine Centre so that we could move ahead with Joburg immediacy.

I booked a flight on Sunday morning and was on my way at 2.15. What a thrill to be fully engaged with a project of such significance. Leigh-Anne was my competent and delightful guide and companion for Monday and Tuesday. I saw two fully functioning centres and attended a formal seminar about setting up a centre. It was a privilege to be among people of such integrity and competence. Their standards are uncompromisingly high, their system is professional and their commitment to education absolute. I am hoping to be a conduit that brings this Shine Centre model to bolster promary education in Joburg.I know this work is healing.

Tests will reveal whether I go ahead with round 7 of chemo next week or not. Happily on top form. My mum says she is astounded to see me looking better than I have in years!

Strange Monday

Having always been so busy, by nature and choice, this life of chemo is quite alien to me. Settling to nod off in front of a video, followed by a two hour sleep in the morning may sound like a good approach to recovering from student frivolity, but it pales as a life style.

Hey ho..

We've all relished the much needed break from the 3 week grind. The fourth week enabled me to enjoy my family, catch up with some friends, build stamina with big walks, spend time on the huge project to get our Salvazione grade 7 kids into high schools and participate, with much delight, and pride, at the KPMG Africa Conference at Sun City.

We went to the prize giving for the SACEE writing competition and Ali read his piece well. he came second in the Senior Prose section, much to our great delight. James' hard work during his vac paid off. Nic has had bad luck with her job and is waiting (impatiently) to hear the outcome of another interview. That nasty double dip is hitting hard all round.

Round 6 started today. My white blood cell count is normal again. This is very good news. Dr Mafafo could not find any outward sign of deterioration.

The side effects are hitting fast, so I know how the next week to 10 days will be.

The refreshing breaks are healing and empowering.

Up for air

Round 5 seemed to take forever to get over. The nausea dragged on and I battled with fatigue. Getting up the few stairs from the front door to the front gate was challenging and alarming for one accustomed to robust mountain walks. While I know that each round will be more difficult to tolerate, it is difficult to accept.

Having James home was a great tonic. He had a huge amount of work to do for 2 tests next week and managed to do several good days of work, with some happy family meals interspersed. He is wonderfully supportive and has intuitive gentleness and kindness, which got us through the muddy patch. My mother hen instinct was at the fore and anyone listening carefully would definitely have heard a little cluck from me, once I had all my chicks around the table! What more could I ask for?

Nicola started her new job in the Africa Division of Standard Bank on Tuesday, amidst great excitement of buying proper work clothes and shoes (high heeled; she had to practise walking in them and was seen in them with her spotty pink pyjamas!). She seems to have found the place where she can combine her passion for social business with good career opportunities and training. We are well aware how lucky she is to find a fabulous job in this precarious economic climate.

Ali has gone off on a leadership camp for the weekend. He's reading some of his work at the SACCEE Creative Writing Prizegiving on Wednesday evening and it's his 17th birthday on Thursday. The house is very quiet without the boys today.

Our 60 boxes of stuff arrived from CT on Thursday, so I have my work cut out for the next while. Chaos has erupted and while we were delighted to see all our books again, the rest should probably have remained in boxes. Worldly goods can be such a nuisance.

I'm toying with the idea of delaying the next treatment by a week for several reasons and will need to consult with the powers that be to see if this will be a viable option. We all need a break from the gruelling 3 week routine. The idea of an extra week off feels like a holiday coming up. The Becks have generously allowed us to go to their house on the Lunsklip River near Dullstroom for the weekend, so we'll be off on Friday with a couple of Ali's friends. The breaks are excellent medicine.

We seem to be balancing optimism, hope and realism relatively well.

Round 5, day 3

As promised. a pic of James indulging his mother's youthful fantasy! Two beauts?

The week has gone well. Tim has managed to be with me throughout the treatments and his resolute and calm presence makes all the difference in the world. A strong team. Starting again on Tuesday was tough, knowing exactly what I was in for, and we remain concerned that the chemo may weaken me to the point where I will be unable to take the seemingly successful, but still experimental Ipi.

The trend has been that the white cells have diminished with each round and we were delighted to find they had recovered well. This is why CT and our lovely bush experience were so much less taxing than anticipated. I feel strongly that this is to do with our fascinationg and, 100% out of our comfort zone, experience at a remarkable Christian healing service with Pastor Louis in Deep River in CT last Tuesday. Di Utton arranged it, Nicola (snr), Anna and James all accompanied us on the challenging adventure. We were surrounded by goodness and people of remarkable faith. Dr Mafafo was also interested in what I'd been eating, as I'd put on 2 kg!

The cancer world is inescapable and we had bad news about a lovely young man, Brett,28, whose treatment is not working and he has deteriorated. We have had several treatments simultaneously and shared many secrets about alternate meds, so it is a blow. I had particularly requested not to be treated in a facility where I would be exposed to children with cancer, my passion for teaching kids would make it too hard. I have classified Brett as "almost a child". The chemo ward was a grim place yesterday.

I know the next few days will be tough. Trish, my homeopath, has been able to access me some very good support meds, which make a huge difference. Happily, our home is full of positive energy; Nic is back from a highly satisfying and successful training session at Phakomane Bank in White River, Al did some challenging and pleasing painting in an adult class this morning and has taken pics for a charcoal portrait. James has to be parted from his new toy MG for a few days as he comes home for a weeks study break on Sunday. Although he finds the chemo regime gutting, Tim has managed to juggle work with his particular efficiency this week too. It's so much easier to be the patient than the support team.

I look forward to coming up for more quality time next week.

Life in abundance

The flight of fantasy continues and we bought a gorgeous MG for James. He and I went on a wild and glorious adventure together with the soft top down, the music blaring and all amounts of crazy whooping and delirious happy behaviour. What a thrill. I was marginally concerned for him that his freinds might catch him with an old babe in his car, but happily noone we knew saw us.

The packing and moving out of the CT house had nightmarish potential, but it went smoothly and with much good humour with the help of Nicola, James and Nicola and Anna Bashall from the UK. The latter sorted out all the keys and Nicola was seen up to her eyeballs in Handy Andy and Vim, doing the big clean up. I was proud to hand over our special home in good condition. Having anticipated great sadness, we were suprised to feel as if we were handing the baton on to another good team and know the O"Mahoneys will be able to enjoy the house as we have.

I had a very special evening at the school where I worked, Wetpups. It was the reunion of boys who left 5 years ago and are now in matric. What a thrill to see the boys, who were my very first grade 3 class, all beautifully grown up and to meet up with my dear colleagues.

Cape Town was so beautiful and it was hard to leave, but I am so grateful to have had the opportunity of living there for 10 years and for the wonderful friends we made over those pivotal years of child rearing.

We've just come back from a lovely weekend with the Leiths at a game farm in the Waterberg. The bush was magnificent, and its striking distance from Joburg a pleasure.

Nic has been enjoying doing the training in Mpumalanga, James is fully engaged with 21st and taking people on joyrides in his MG with the odd tutorial thrown in, Ali was great company in the bush, suprising us with all kinds of knowledge and good humour.

Big Nicola and Anna are with us until tomorrow. I'm not sure how we would have managed the move without them.

Chemo looms. If the white bloods are recovered enough, we will go ahead with treatments tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday. Hmm.. the devil we know.

We all need to normalise now we are over the initial shock. The children and Tim feel exhausted by what they call "cancer eyes" i.e. people who view them with intense pity and it feels as if we are redefined by cancer and some see us in terms of the illness, rather than who we normally are. They have been accosted by demands for information, which at times, have been inappropiate and insensitive. "What's the prognosis? How do you feel about this all?" We all appeal for normality, business as usual, and communication which is not dominated by the cancer.

Knocked down, now up again but wobbly

The huge, peculiar sleeps seem to have done the trick and I'm relatively normal again.

What a thrill to go out and escape the tedium! Cancer just has to be the most boring subject ever. I had a wonderful morning, calling and visiting high schools which may be able to accommodate the Grade 7 children from Salvazione next year. Yvonne Kane and I were lucky to meet some interesting people and among other schools, we may be able to arrange for some of the children to go to John Orr School and have the fees waived. We popped into Salvazione and just the sight of those children, so gainfully engaged with their work, and hearing their sweet greetings was a tonic.

We're so looking forward to seeing James. I confess that I've indulged in a youthful fantasy of mine and encouraged him to replace the ancient Merc with a gorgeous, two seater, soft top sportscar instead of a sensible Golf or Yarris (same price, strangely) so there's some fun to be had on the weekend looking at suitable candidates.

More of the same

The brain fog seems to be lifting at last and simply doing very little, albeit tedious, seems to be the solution. Each round of chemo seems to present with its own challenges and this time, I was disappointed to realise that, while I had blithely assumed that my white blood cell count was recovering fully between rounds, this is not the case. It has come down progressively from a normal, strong 5 to a weak 3, which impacts on my ability to fight infection and my sense of well being and energy flows. This was probably all clarified at the outset, but there is just too much to absorb at any one time.

It also transpires that the side effects of the experimental drug, Ipi, may be too dreadful to make it a viable alternative.

Nicola, in her inimitable way, has been filling every hour with productive activity. Her positive energy is a tonic. She is finishing her 6 week course in French at the Alliance Francais on Thursday. She has almost finished writing a training program for Phakamani Foundation http://www.phakamanifoundation.org/ a Micro Finance Organisation in Mpumalanga and will go directly from CT to White River where she will train the loan officers to run the training with the new clients.

Ali has finished exams at last and has been commissioned by Nic to do the artwork on posters for her training program. They have chosen giraffes as the theme, as the beautiful stadium at Nelspruit (coincidentally designed by my Mum's godson, Michael Bell, architect) has giraffes as major supporting structures. The posters need to be very bright and offer clear messages as the people taking loans, in most cases, are illiterate.

We're still planning to go to Cape Town for the weekend and make sure that the house is emptied and in good working order for the transfer to the O'Mahoneys. Nicola is going ahead on
Friday morning and she will work with the movers and Big Nicola, Anna and James to get the packing done. The actual move happens on Monday and we'll fly back on Tuesday evening.

It may well have to be a quieter weekend than we had in mind, but it will be wonderful to see James and to be in Cape Town regardless.

Unnerved for a bit

We were all delighted to have Nicola Bashall snr, fondly known as Big Nicola, to stay for a week and Anna for a few days. Nicola stepped in and was helpful in so many ways; chief cook and bottle washer for (little) Nic's birthday party on Saturday evening, pastry chef creating an extravaganza of a birthday cake, ambulance driver, resident micro-biologist and translator of medical articles and general raiser of spirits. Anna fits in happily as a regular member of our family and her resemblance to Nic makes it easy to forget to give her special treatment.

I had a nasty serious lung pain at 1am on Thursday morning, which seemed ominous. We decided to have a CT scan to ascertain the effect of the chemo so far, as it seemed unintelligent to proceed with the chemo if it was not working.

The CT scan was done yesterday amidst anxiety, and we approached Doc Mafafo with trepidation this morning. Thank God, the scan revealed that the chemo is preventing further spread of the cancer, although not actually reducing the size of the many lesions (cancerous growths). This is medically considered to be working, so I have decided to go ahead with the devil I know and have 3 more rounds of chemo before reassessing the situation.

The pain was caused by pleuresy, which was appropriately treated with anti inflammatories as appropriately prescribed by Tony, our GP, at 1am. I was very grateful for his sage advise to stay at home in our own bed, rather than rush off to hospital and be put through unnecessary tests and emergency procedures. It was a relief to know for certain that it was not cancer at the top of the lung. The imagination becomes fertile and irrational in the wee hours!

So, on we go, I had the first chemo dose this morning and have tried to do as much as possible with the day before the nastiness sets in. It helps to know what to expect, so it'll be a slow and quiet week. For one so accustomed to perpetual activity, this is a somewhat strange opportunity for introspection, which I intend to embrace, however, the familiar brain fog might distract from the core purpose.

Thanks for all the prayers, calls and messages. After prayers, sms' are best. We know we're not facing this alone.

Up again

Round 3 is well over now and I'm enjoying the window period immensely. Apparantely as a result of the cortisone, I have a more than healthy appetite and look as fat as a tick and robust as ever. No sign of skinny paleness or anything unnerving. I do feel a bit of a fraud and the funniest comment yet was, "Do you feel as if you're inthe wrong opera?" and then, 'Could you at least open the door in your dressing gown?' The generous Nussbaums Kosher Butchery, who delivered the elixir of chicken soup as a gift, would have been suprised to see me bounding out in my takkies.

We all enjoyed a happy visit from the Cox' from Durban and look forward to the arrival of Nicola (snr) and Anna Bashall from the UK next week.

Tim has had a dreadful two weeks. The pressure on him from all fronts is bordering unbearable.
The children are doing well but the odd flash point indicates a strong underlying tension.

Sue Cooke's daughter in law, Vessie, just happens to be a very clever post doctoral member of the Harvard Medical School. She works with the doctors who are developing a new drug for Melanoma cancer called Ipiluminab. It is the only fledgling break through in 40 years. She has generously taken on my case and I am hoping to initiate the process of getting authorisation to use this drug so that, should I need it, we won't have to waste time, which is plainly of the essence. Trials have shown up to one year of extension of life. As long as it's good qulaity of life, I'm in the market for whatever is going and have promised to do my best.

Not too bad

Each round of chemo seems to present with different challenges. This one, (I cautiously), write does not seem significantly worse than the last and I am calmer and more accepting of the necessity to do very little. The homeopathic meds seem to be holding the nausea better and the deep sleep afforded by the sleeping pills makes a huge difference. I'm in the second phase of nausea and side effects now and hope it will lift by Wednesday. I also need to be careful of colds etc around days 10 to 14 i.e. next weekend when the white blood cells will be low. Having recovered swiftly inbetween treatments before, I'm hoping for the same agian.

The Iscador, a mistletoe extract, arrived from the UK this morning after much effort from the UK Bashalls and one of Tim's partners. It is a fascinating product which sounds promising.

The family is busy and not particularly unsettled now. Nicola is at White River looking at an interesting Micro Finance project which follows on from her experience in Bangladesh. James heads off to his lovely student life of tutorials, 21st parties and hockey tomorrow. Ali has his head down to write his first set of exams in a year, having carefully sidestepped them last year by going to India. Tim is exhausted after the gruelling chemo week but is recovering quietly and making a good effort to keep fit.

There's lots of living to be done.

Round 3, day 2

I was so strong after the lovely break at Nottens that I decided to whip down to Cape Town for a couple of days to sort out the house. We need to get it all empty and ship shape for the O'Mahoneys to move in at the end of August. There were a lot of decisions to be made as the contents are being redirected to 5 venues!

Nicola immediately and generously offered to accompany me and plough through the long list of tasks. I would never have managed without her and her amazingly clear thinking brain, she kept me on track when I was so easily distracted and her sense of humour got us through some tricky moments . We were powerfully supported by dear friends who were generous and tireless in their help and commitment to completing dull tasks and distracting us when fragile and worn out.

Saturday was one of the days that makes Cape Town one of the best cities in the world. We had a perfect walk along the path from Muizie to Kalk Bay and then a delicious breakfast at our favourite Knead. We returned to have the lovely O'Mahoney family and, happily, the closest neighbours for tea. The delight about the house and raptuous welcome by the children of similar ages was astounding. I have the overwhelming sense that it is the O'Mahoney's turn to have the pleasure of bringing up a young family in that house, which is perfect for the job.

Nausea in anticipation set in in earnest on Monday. Tim and I were really dreading chemo as we knew what was coming. Dr Mafafo was delighted with my lack of symptoms, which seem to indicate that the cancer hasn't progressed significantly. My white blood cell count was normal again and my general robustness allows me to recover fully inbetween treatments for now. I even put on 1kg with all the delicious Nottens and Cape Town treats! She has advised that I take a fourth round of chemo before testing.

So far, so good, but the known side effects are starting to kick in now, so I probably won't write again until I emerge again.

James heads back to CT for an academically challenging, but 21st and hockey filled 3rd term. Nic is off to White River on Friday to do some work for a Grameen style micro finance organisation and Ali has his head down for exams in two weeks. Marvellous children, they are so strong and moving on in a remarkably positive way.

I so appreciate the overwhelming love and care with which you and all we know are surrounding us. Suffering is a condition of life from which none of us is immune. I wish you strength in yours.

Nottens

We had the best bush experience we've ever had over the weekend at Nottens, which is a fabulous bush lodge in the Sabi Sands area adjacent to the Kruger Park. It was perfect in every way and a trip is highly recommended for the bucket list of all. http://www.nottens.com/

We were all thrilled by being really close to two exquisite and wonderfully playful leopard cubs and were overwhelmed by nervous giggles as we were surrounded by a herd of trumpeting elephants. The food was sublime and those kgs shed during arduous chemo have been swiftly replaced!

I really was in full health and able to enjoy every minute. The scents and sights of the bush and the glorious stars at night prevented us from dwelling on any negative thoughts.

With professional, gentle and insightful counselling from Sarah, I have managed to change from focus away from the ghastly prognosis to recovery and survival. I feel and look so well that it seems absurd to consider myself a statistic. There is also so much good work to be done.

Trish, a homeopath friend has been extraordinarily generous with her time and energy and has treated me successfully with complementary medicine which helps so much. Yesterday we consulted another doctor friend who has advised me to try an orchid product which he has used successfully with melanoma. Trish is now using all her international contacts to source it. we also saw another homeopath friend of hers who aligned my energies, a fascinating and exhausitng process.

Chemo again next week.

Baby Angels

by Nicola (a.k.a. Headmistress)

Here are the photos that my mum was been harassing me to put up since Friday last week :)

It was an absolute delight and pleasure to teach such responsive, motivated and naive Grade 7s at Salvazione Christian School in Brixton last week. We ran an intensive Maths and English programme and were overwhelmed by their swift progress and the quality of the work they produced. Isla Maynard, teacher extraordinaire, stepped into my mum's teaching role and coached those children into producing outstanding work. They particularly enjoyed using adjectives to design wanted posters which were accompanied by a portrait lesson run by Ali. The faces were well proportioned and creative particularly considering their lack of any previous exposure to art education.

Viv Spooner inspired Mathematical understanding and development in her inimitable way and harnessed us all to tutor Maths in small groups which was effective. Daily testing revealed an improvement of some children from 20-90% over the week. For some of these children, it was the first time they perceived their own potential.

Prize winners!

Excited sweeties!

James was astounded by how unfit and unhealthy the children were!

To end the week, we had a prize giving to acknowledge excellent performance and progress. The delight on the prize winners' faces was thrilling!

On yet another positive note... My mum is looking perfectly normal and is back to her cheeky self today. She's a tough old chick!

Tough round

All that wishful thinking. Hmm.. Round two has turned nasty as anticipated by the doctor. The weekend was ghastly and for one as accustomed to being as rudely robust as I, it is hard to accept and tolerate being completely without energy.

The very lucky thing is that the DTIC has not affected my sense of taste, so food (albeit in smaller quantities) remains a delight. Losing the odd kg is not an undesired side effect, but to quote Linda, "I can't recommend the diet."

It's difficult to distinguish between the chemo induced symptoms and those which may be due to the arch enemy. Let's hope they all stop soon.

Cosmic hangover

I'm in the full grips of chemo tox now, and it seems less overpowering than the first round. The nausea is constant but lifts with ginger tea and the homeopathic meds. The 20 or so tissue salt pills dissolved seem to work too. The sleeping pills make a big difference too as I'm not keeping Tim awake.

Having the whole family together is the best tonic ever and humour, albeit at times dark, abounds. They have been so energised by the Salvazione school kids and have had an extraordinarily happy and immeasurably worthwhile week. I made it to the prize giving yesterday morning and will see if I can get some pics onto the blog. It was astounding and so moving to see how the pupils had progressed in one week and also to see the confidence and competence of Nic running the show, Ali giving out prizes and James making them laugh.

We're looking forward to going to Finsbury on Thursday for 2 days and then on to Nottens, which is on the border of the Kruger Park, until Monday. Adrian comes next Tuesday for the week, then James is going off to Mozambique for a few days with the Cox'. There's no stopping the Bashalls.

Day 2 round 2

30 June

Day 2 of chemo. So far so good. We had a bump back to earth with the lovely oncologist, Dr Keo Mafafo, reminding us that it is stage 4 melanoma that we're dealing with. It's so hard to absorb and we seem to forget inbetween. We had omitted to mention that we would be going to Mauritius, but admitted it happily. She was pleasantly surprised to hear that I'd been snorkeling and playing tennis. My white blood cells had recovered so well that they were perfectly normal, so Mauritius every third week seems a sensible idea! No one in this family can flaw the logic.

I had an interesting email which resonated strongly with me. It's a new analogy about highs and lows in life. They're like paralled railway lines; you deal with them both simultaneously. The sheer delight of a magnificent family holiday, great university results, Ali , James and Nic teaching the Salvazione children, with competence and such kindness. This combined with the oncology centre, where there is a 28 year old man fighting lymphoma and Ben, aged 24, in Aus is preparing for a bone marrow transplant and Tim and I sit and watch this poison drip in. I certainly can't sustain the dark thoughts which do creep in, with so much wonderful stuff around.

We feel tangibly supported. Thank you.

Post Mauritius

We couldn't have had a better holiday! Mauritius was perfect by all accounts. It was a relief to feel our Joburg bones defrosting and to be so remarkably hosted by the Club Med machine. Our accommodation was generous and stylish, the food, sublime, the setting almost too beautiful to believe and being surrounded by happy people, who had no idea of the challenges we're facing was a tonic in itself.

Happily, the dreaded day 10 to 14 white cell low didn't cause me any difficulties and anyone who saw me snorkling, playing tennis, swimming and dancing would never believe I was anything but perfectly healthy.

Tomorrow the dreaded chemo starts again for 3 days. The drip, which starts with anti nausea drugs, cortisone and local anaesthetic before the DTIC goes in, takes about 2 hours. Tim, who is resolute in his commitment to endure it with me, is a good companion, as always.

All 3 children are working at the winter school for Grade 7 pupils at Salvazione School in Brixton. This is a project I planned with my friend Viv Spooner, a maths teacher, but now can't see to completion, so I'm thrilled by the children's involvement. Nicola is keeping the program on track as well as teaching English and Maths, Ali is supporting the teachers by tutoring small groups and giving an art class every day and James is teaching sport.

We're off to Mauritius!

Thursday 17 June
I've been advised to set this up and it's a whole new world of technology and communication for me. At the outset, it seems strange that anyone would really be interested enough to log on and check the blog, but we have been so well supported and quite overwhelmed by human kindness, that this seems a valid way of saving the family from the trauma and tedium of hearing the same facts (sometimes disturbing) repeated several times daily.

I have secondary melanoma cancer in my lymph system, lungs, liver and spleen and have elected to undergo a course of chemo involving only one of three possible drugs. The statistics show that the results with the combination are no more promising and the side effects of all three are significantly worse. I will have 3 rounds of this chemo with 3 treatments on consecutive days in one week then 2 weeks recovery.

The first 3 treatments were on Tues, Wed and Thursday last week. I had 5 ghastly days of a cosmic hangover with strange effects like a huge visual disturbance, brain fuzz, heavy nausea, body aches, shivers and a return of the pain around surgical areas.

I'm competely well again now, which makes me feel I should really live for ever. The doctor has said that my sound medical history and general robust health stand much in my favour.

Round 2 is on Tues 29, Wed 30, Thurs 1. I have been warned that it will be worse.

I'm taking lots of homeopathic builders inbetween.

I'm so happy to have the children home. Nic from Bangladesh, James from UCT and Ali's on school holidays. The house is full of positive energy and everyone is purposeful (and sleepy in the mornings).

Mauritius calls. We've managed to adjust the dates of this lovely holiday, (which we booked and paid for before the latest test results) so that it fits inbetween chemo rounds. We leave on Saturday, not a moment too soon. Having been lucky enough to have been before, we're all anticipating the holiday with much delight. I can't see any reason why it shouldn't be wonderful.

Thanks for your tangible prayers and generous support.