A challenge

It has taken me a while to process the latest test results. The average diameter of the tumours has grown by 3%. While all 4 doctors agree that this is not a significant number in cancer medicine, I am strongly aware that the tide has turned and that the euphoria of the 30% and subsequent 7% shrinkage of the last two tests has not continued. I had been lulled into a false sense of security, assuming that the shrinkage would continue. It is impossible to live my daily life in that dark place, where the reality of Stage 4 Terminal Metastatic Melanoma Cancer dominates.It is too heavy a burden to carry, so, happily, it's business as usual and it seems that we are all much better than 'half full'. After some consultations and much thought, I decided that it would be senseless to react only when there was a bigger deterioration. So, I have had another Dendritic Vaccine treatment and will continue with that route of treatment every 6 weeks for a while. Gathering the 20 tubes of blood is a bit of a circus with risks of a blood clot, but it is worth taking. Dr van Rooyen, who is the mastermind of the vaccine is the only doctor I've consulted who offers a cure and a 20% one at that. Being in the minute statistic of survivors so far, this is an encouraging number. The vaccine makes absolute sense to me and there are no side effects as the vaccine consists of my own cells and saline. In the interim, there's no stopping us and our crazy lives continue unabated. Megan Maynard and I had 4 stimulating and thrilling days at the Franchhoek Literary Festival.

We attended 11 forum discussions, which had our heads spinning and left us with too little time to discuss all we had heard. While the speakers were all authors, many of the discussions were around the state of the nation and played to Megan's and my passion for Education. I was entranced by Prof Jansen and heartened by the sense of energy and unity among people willing to do a lot to resolve the crisis.

The weather was perfect and Franchhoek was exquisitely beautiful. We stayed in a tiny slave cottage, which had 2 minute bedrooms with views over the vines, which were in full autumn splendour. The bucket list gets continually longer with experiences so wonderful that they must be repeated, this among them. I was back in Cape Town to see James and his band of merry UCT men play a rousing game of hockey. What a delight to see him in his element.

My association with The Shine Centre is developing daily and it is a great source of healing and delight. have a look at the website of The Shine Centre and you'll be able to see a video clip of what we do.This term has seen the opening of 2 new literacy centres, one at Riversands Primary School beyond Four Ways and one at Yeoville Community School. The centre managers are of the best kind of people and their commitment and high standards are thrilling and inspiring. It was an honour to be the tour guide for Maurita Glynn, Founder and director of Shine, when she came up to see the fruits of her labour.

A fourth centre will open at HA Jack school in September. We meet termly and there is a great sense of community of purpose. This a a model that works and it is a privilege to be part of this fast growing movement towards better education for the disadvantaged in South Africa. With the help of Tim, Tania and Craig Steven-Jennings and Kerry Fynn, The Link Trust has been opened with a view to raising funds for opening new literacy centres on the Shine model and also funding broader educational programs. It has happened very fast and jetted this initiative to a whole new and exciting level. Nicola was home from London for 10 days in the beginning of June. James flew up and the 4 of us had 2 perfect days at Nottens, a private game reserve in the Sabi Sands area. Poor Ali was left at home to study for his Physics exam. The bush was absolutely beautiful and we were so happy to be wrapped up in blankets, absorbing the scents and spirit of Africa. We are all abundantly aware of how lucky we are.

I spent 2 days with James in the flat in Cape Town last week, being his chief study facilitator. He writes huge exams next week and needed to be fed and to have his fridge and cupboard filled, so that all his energy can go into studying.This GDA year is a tough one.Below is the view from the flat. Not a bad study environment.

Happily, my life runs from one high to the next. On Saturday, Ali and I fly out to England for Francesca Bashall's wedding. We've been looking forward to this since Easter last year. It is going to be a very special family occasion. Tim and James will join us next Friday, in time for Tim to don his morning suit and make a speech to toast the bride. What a thrill!

Survival

Having lost 8kg, and the pallor of chemo at last, I am able to recognise myself in the mirror for the first time in almost 2 years. It has been a slow dawning of the fact that I'm a cancer survivor. This realisation is causing me much delight. There are documented phases for dealing with death and I've been through them, but there seems no obvious route to survival, except the sheer delight of continually seeing and doing things that I thought were not to be available to me. Of course, much of the delight in life and the ability to seize it with such vigour is because I'm so astoundingly supported and indulged by Tim, in every way. On Tuesday, Tim bought me a ticket to join him on a business trip to London! It was Anna Bashall's 21st on Saturday and Nicola was running the London Marathon on Sunday. Two very good reasons to get to London. We flew out on Wednesday night. On Thursday, I had breakfast with my dear cousin, Alice Bennett at Covent Garden and then saw Billy Elliot with her in the afternoon. We had a lovely reunion supper with Nic at Blackfriars. Friday brought the opportunity to see Fional LeRoy and Sandy Bernstein and we saw the ballet La Fille Mal Guardee. It was a visual sensation and the term 'world class' fully defined. Lunch was a treat in the staff canteen at the Royal Ballet, where you are surrounded by artists. Sandy and I shopped happily along Oxford Street in the afternoon. Tim and I were delighted to meet Nic's new house mates at her digs in Battersea. It was important to have a context in which to visualise her and also to know that she lives with warm, lovely people, who make her London life wonderful. We had a lovely supper, just the three of us with months of catching up to do. Saturday saw us heading off to the London Marathon expo to register Nic and get her SA vest printed with her name. What huge hype and a massive event, which was organised to perfection. We then caught the train to Colchester, where we suprised the Martin Bashalls and confounded their seating arrangements for the 21st dinner. It was a very special family occasion and we were delighted to be there among Mackies, Bremners,Frankie, Greens and Bashalls. Hugo had put together an excellent presentation, which displayed, so competently and humourously, Anna's great sense of humour, her strength, beauty and brilliance. Sunday was consumed by the London Marathon. Nic did 5h 14m and we chased all around London, with the help and company of Alice and William Bennett. We managed to see her 3 times and were astounded each time to see her full of energy and absolutely bouyed along by the overwhelming support. There were 35 000 runners and a million supporters. It was London at its best; a beautiful sunny day, incredible logistics and great humour abounding. Most runners had their names on their vest, so were supported in a personal manner. What a spectacle! I have to confess to being in a high state of emotion, with tears streaming a lot of the time. Rousing stuff. If this is survival, I'm all for it

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More good news

I'm sure that holidays are better healers than any medicine.

I returned to Joburg and ordinary life after no less than seven weeks of holiday, feeling better than I have since before I started chemo 18 months ago.

Tim's long leave took us to the Maldives, Cape Town, Durban, Thula Thula (for that huge birthday), then to London. Tim, James and Ali had a week of skiing with Geoff, Tim's cousin, in France and I popped off to Dublin for a couple of days and had a merry time in England. Then, Tim and James returned home and Ali and I stayed on in London for yet another week. What absolute luck. This is living in the present and life in abundance.

My latest CT scan showed that the tumours had shrunk by a further 7%. This is particularly good news as the cancer tends to become nasty again after about 4 months. The trend is definitely in the right direction and I have another 3 months of happy living in hand.

The literacy program, that I'm so delighted with, is expanding at a rate. There are 3 new Link Centres opening in Johannesburg soon. I will attend training in Cape Town in March, which will allow our pilot Link Centre at Salvazione School in Brixton to be fully accredited. This will further our credibility with the Department of Education. Shine, our umbrella organisation, is the only NGO in SA that is allowed to interact with the children during teaching hours. The teaching makes my heart sing and I'm so enjoying the interaction with the people who are opening their own new centres. There is an extraordinary number of competent people who are willing to give their all to make a difference in the world.

Nicola is embracing life in London in her inimitable fashion. She has signed up for the London Marathon, works all hours and meets friends for coffee in the intervening minutes. She says she's been waiting her whole life for this. She is lucky to have our big, warm extended family there.

James is fully at the grindstone at UCT, doing his Graduate Diploma in Accounting. It's serious now.

Ali has had his first week of Medicine at Wits and loved every minute. What a blessing, he seems to be in the perfect place.

Tim is much restored after long leave. His treadmill seems to get faster and faster and he mainly loves the work he does.

I am so at peace and delighting at all the good fortune in my life. It has been an ongoing wonder to be present at so many of the occasions I thought I would miss. Not many are as delighted to be 50 as I!

All is well

My year is ending on a big high with all 3 children delighting us in so many ways.

Nicola starts a new job in financial consulting with KPMG in London on 9 January, James has graduated with first class honours and Ali has been offered a provisional place in medicine at Wits next year.

I couldn't ask more of them.

As I firmly believe in the old saying that it takes a village to raise a child, I need to thank the many of you who are significant role models and active supporters of us all. They could never have got this far without you.

Tim has reached the end of an exhausting business year, having made significant inroads into Africa and travelled far and wide. He has 5 weeks of well deserved long leave now.

We had an utterly glorious week together as a family in the Maldives in the first week of December. While languishing under a perfect palm tree, with a delicious cocktail in my hand, surrounded by my wonderful family, I did wonder how much more perfect heaven could be, or , if in fact, I was already there. Among other things, cancer has taught us to embrace the present and to make it as good as possible. Tim's astounding generosity makes this happen frequently.

God bless you over Christmas. Thank you for your support and prayers.

Excellent news

My instinct was right! The CT scan I had last week showed that the marker tumours have shrunk by 30 %. This is a better result than we had dreamed of. Dr Keo (Tabane) was utterly delighted and her usually grave and empathetic face was utterly beautiful in its joy. There is a good chance that the trend will continue and that the trained t cells will continue to attack the tumours in the period ahead.

I have been lucky to be at the right moment in medical history.

The drug is Ipilimumab and anyone you know with stage 4 melanoma cancer deserves to have the opportunity to have this drug.

My homeopathic doctor, Trish and I went together to consult the physician, Craig Golding and he too was delighted with the results. He says he has never seen a melanoma metastatic tumour shrink before. Together, they put together a regime of support medicines to help me to get over the side effects from the Ipi. These are largely hormonal and due to the effect of the drug on my endocrinal system.

We celebrated in style, with all 3 children and my mum, drinking French champagne out of Ali's art trophy. Such blithe madness.

Good news at last. We've been overwhelmed by messages of jubilation. Thank you for your unfailing support.

In rehab!

On Saturday, after 2 weeks of fitness rehab with a trainer at the gym in Parkview, I found myself at the gym, alone, working through a series of exercises and, in so doing, I realised I'm actually in rehabilitation. What delight. This human body is so forgiving. I have tormented it with surgery, radiation, chemo, cortisone and Ipi and now it is allowing me to get over it all and get strong again.

My two superficial melanoma affected lymph glands (palpable lumps) have both shrunk from the size of peas to match heads. This indicates a positive response to the countless number of prayers said for me, Ipi or maybe the Dendric Cell Vaccine or maybe the treatment with the Skia machine and homeopathy, and probably all of the above. Profound positive expletives apply, whopee!

I will have CT scans soon and Dr Keo has warned that they may not show a positive response yet. I will be suprised if they don't.

Life has been absolutely marvellous, with the spotlight on Ali as he has finished school. We had a glorious week of prize giving, the Matric Art Exhibition and the leaving Valedictory, which left us all emotionally exhausted and on a high. The deep and quiet triumph of being there in full health was profound. Then Al did his driver's licence on Friday and passed. What rapture! The sudden and immediate move from child to adulthood is astounding to behold.

I had a mad moment of missing James at the Sunday lunch table last week, so generous Tim has flown him up for 6 days to study for exams. Mother bliss with all 3 at home, making tea and baking cakes to keep the studying boys nourished.

Nic has been in Mpumalanga for the weekend at a conference at Phakamani Bank, where she worked a bit last year. The project, based on Mohumed Younis' Grameen Bank, is thriving. She has some exciting plans ahead.

A month of exams, then a month of holidays, what more could I wish for?

Treatment complete

I've had all 4 of the treatments of Ipi now and after what has felt like a long period of chronic fatigue, I'm beginning to feel human again. Just as well, as there are several wonderful end of matric functions to attend and I need to be on top form to enjoy them fully. Each continues to be a moment of quiet triumph, having dreaded missing them.

I will have a CT scan in about a month to see how those tumours have responded to Ipi. Further decisions will be made then and I've been well trained to live in the present and not worry about what might or might not happen until it does. It seems that various parts of my endocrine system have taken a knock, and strong homeopathic support is allowing a good recovery. I have learned that being born with O positive blood is much in my favour in terms of my ability to bounce back after a knock.

Tim has long leave this year, so we have all sorts of exciting ideas about how to max out on the special time. As Ali starts at university next year, this will be the first January in 21 years when we aren't bound by school terms. We are hoping to have a couple of weeks when all 5 of us can be together, Nic's job and ever tight leave situation willing. The planning is so much fun and our ideas have been wild and at times horribly expensive.

In the interim, we need to batton the hatches and get the house running military-style to give Ali his best shot with matric. He has been offered a place in the BMed Sc Biomed ( a shadow medical degree, which could allow transition into medicine in second year provided that exceptional results are achieved) at Wits next year and he is still being considered for a place in medicine, which will be dependent on his matric results.

James writes his final Business Science exams in a few weeks and we're planning with delighted anticipation to go to his graduation on 14 December.

My amazing mum has flown off to England again this evening. She is going to see my special Aunt Ro and then on to see her dear Grandfather Friend, Norman. As the children say, high praise indeed, Granny is a legend!